I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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