Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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