Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Randomize
