Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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