is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
