those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
the liver wants what the liver wants
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
