I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
this is an emotional support booty call
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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