i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
