my being single is dangerous.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
