names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
