Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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