I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
