Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
