I puked a lego.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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