Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
