I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
