I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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