They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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