quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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