Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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