Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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