I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Randomize
