this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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