I can text with my tongue
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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