alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
