Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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