it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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