he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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