Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
