HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
