dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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