You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
4 words: hood of his car
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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