At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
