i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
