He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
