i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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