eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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