I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
