The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
