omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
