I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
