they need to just BURY HIM!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
