I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
