maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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