I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
