Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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