i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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