Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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