Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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