remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
